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The Last Dorito Scout, Bobby Joe
Dorito Scouts are an ancient species, thought to be wiped out two thousand years ago. They are one of the most advanced TF2nimal species, as they have highly advanced technology due to them being able to harness the power of a bag of Doritos.
Inventions[]
- A nuclear reactor that uses Doritos as a power source, found under cp_helmsdeep.
- A baseball bat that can shatter the entire skeleton of a human being, being made entirely of dorito dust. Found by a sniper main hunting for Scout Cows in 2fort.
- A wooden scattergun that has ammo made of Doritos, that can slice through animals and humans. A common artifact found with Dorito Scouts.
- A mysterious glowing cube that melts through anything but australium. Found in a Dorito Scout village, and resulted in 22 deaths. Currently stored in Scoot Labs storage along with the other artifacts.
- A bar of solid Doritos, it's a bar of the same weight of a standard australium bar but colored dark red. Upon licking it, it was discovered that it was Dorito flavored. It's purpose is unknown.
- A sentient dorito, found singing Eye of the Tiger under the President of the United State's bed. It states that it was formed by the Dorito Scouts. It is currently Barack Obama's best friend and a Bernie supporter.
- Cryogenic storage
- Possibly, the Dorito itself
- Dorito Dust drug
Discovery[]
It was discovered by Prof. Scoot's great x10 grandfather while he was hunting for lettuce. They gave him an entire head of iceberg lettuce, but Dorito flavored.
Biology and Behavior[]
Not much is known about Dorito Scouts, but seeming as how they captured hundreds of cows and all the glass bottles found in villages, it seems that they loved milk. They were also highly intelligent.
They were a friendly race, as they helped travelers find their way and gave them supplies (according to folklore).
According to Dorito Scout science tablets, they can live up to 300 years old, maybe even 600 if they're healthy enough.
Culture[]
WIP
The last Dorito Scout[]
Prof. Scoot led an expedition in Mount. Demoknight, where they found a square tube (Which was dorito flavored) with a frozen Scout in it. As there were doritos, and a village inside, the Scout was believed to be a Dorito Scout.
S̶c̶i̶e̶n̶t̶i̶s̶t̶s̶ ̶a̶r̶e̶ ̶s̶t̶i̶l̶l̶ ̶t̶r̶y̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶d̶e̶f̶r̶e̶e̶z̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶S̶c̶o̶u̶t̶
The Scout has been successfully defreezed.
Known History[]
Sources are from ancient tablets, folklore, and ancient books
War of DoritoTopia[]
According to ancient tablet writings, the Dorito Scouts fought with the Pokerians over a kingdom built by Lord Gaben that contained millions of pounds of Doritos. The Scouts wanted it to create new technology, while the Pokerians wanted it to become a casino.
It is said that the Scouts won, but let the surviving Pokerians build casinos in the kingdom. Adventurers and researchers are still trying to find this utopia. It is rumored that DeGroot Keep or cp_helmsdeep is Doritotopia.
Law against Poaching[]
The Dorito Scouts were bent on destroying poaching, especially against baby shpees.
Sir Isaac Scout carved a sword out of Doritos and went on a journey to bring these poachers to justice. He successfully slaughtered over 2000 poachers.
War on Drugs[]
According to tablets, Dorito Scout police had trouble stopping criminals from making and selling a recreational drug called "Dorito Dust", which is made from Dorito Dust. It makes the user super fast and gives them a "amazing pleasure" and leaves a taste of Doritos in their mouth for a week. Several crime bosses hide entire factories making Dorito Dust.
According to a broken tablet, only one half readable, two crime bosses were [REDACTED] to five years of [DATA EXPUNGED], *end of half*
Shortage of Doritos[]
There was a panic among the Dorito Scouts, as they were almost out of Doritos. A team of Dorito miners traveled across the globe to find more Doritos.
It is unknown what the outcome is, it may be why they went extinct.
Expeditions[]
Photograph of Prof. Scoots enjoying a steak while packing up artifacts for storage *Please Expand*
Mount Demoknight Exploration
There were reports of strange sounds and bars of australium falling from the sky. Scoot decided to climb Mount Demoknight to find out the source of the disturbances.
They soon found a large hole in the mountain, seemingly caused by plastic explosives, as there was a box full of C4s.
Findings[]
- Multiple Australium items
- Strange artifacts
- A Dorito Scout in Cyro Storage
- A bag of 2,000 year old Doritos
- An O.W.N Dispenser, hinting that the group may have tried to plant the australium there, or steal it. Further evidence of this is the skeletons with O.W.N costumes.
- A broken australium crowbar
- Dorito-colored barrels of radioactive waste, dorito flavored
- A steak
- An Aperture Science personality sphere, how it got there is unknown. The sphere seems to be broken.
- Piles of burned papers
- Wooden houses, ransacked. Many claw marks on the wood.
Dr. Scoot's notes[]
Damn, that was a fine steak. Oh, and we got *a* *lot* of australium here. Oh, and some frozen Scout. We think it's a Dorito Scout. It might be, who knows? I know I hit an aussie mine here. And I do NOT like the fact that there's skeletons here.
Dr. ██████'s Request of Dorito Scout body to be apart of TF2-000 project: Denied. We have no idea if this thing is even a Dorito Scout. Besides, there's no strange attributes to it.
Breakthroughs[]
Dorito Scout Defreezed[]
After years of trying to figure out how the storage tube worked, a scientist accidentally tripped and hit his head on a hidden switch on the tube, which shattered the scientist's skull completely (as it was made of doritos).
Witnesses say they felt very hot while the machine started making "strange sounds, that they've never heard before". 12 hours later, the Scout was completely unfrozen and guards pried the machine open with crowbars. The Scout still has a pulse, but has not woken up yet.
[]
Powers[]
Legend says that the Dorito Scouts could shoot a yellow beam of energy out of their hands and absorb the energy out of Doritos.